I admit: I've been cheating on my book.
Are we breaking up? 👀
Hi friends! It’s been a while hasn’t it? I went on a little vacation that in real life was a wonderful week but in weekly dispatch life has extended itself a wee bit. So it goes.
I think—I know—why I haven’t had much to say.
A couple of months ago, I found out that someone else has written a book about my protagonist. It’s going to be published next year to great fanfare (or so the press release claims). There is an Important Agent involved.
This was a gut punch. There were tears. My husband brought me wine. My coach and friends did their best to rally me. I asked for and received more wine.
Just to be clear, there is nothing hinky going on. I don’t think this other writer somehow ‘stole’ my idea. Except for an occasional suspect email scam, that isn’t really a thing.
In a certain way, it’s validation that my protagonist’s story is interesting and needs to be out in the world. And I wholeheartedly agree that, while our novels are based on the life of the same person, in reality they are two totally different books. She couldn’t write my version; I couldn’t write hers.
But still. It sucks.
With this being the first novel I’ve completed, stuck with through several drafts, and invested a lot of time and money with an amazing coach, there is a part of me that still wants to finish it. I had sworn this would be my last major revision. My plan, as regular readers know, was to finish it by April. Then I’d polish and get ready to query in September or the new year at the latest.
Well, the wind has gone out of my sails. (Ha! Sorry, couldn’t help myself - latent pirate/sailing humor.) My weekly plans still include writing time and a specific path towards finishing. The project manager in me can’t help it. But every time I sit down to write, or even when I think about how to pick up where I left off, I just feel MAD.
Not at myself. Not at my wonderful support system. Not at this other writer. I think I’m mad at this book.
I’m mad that it has taken so long to wrangle itself into some kind of shape. That it STILL isn’t what it wants or needs to be.
I’m mad that it feels so hard.
And I’m livid that it won’t quite just let me go.
Not too long ago, I shared some ideas around how to date your novel. Putting my book into that framework, I’m feeling like it has been a bad partner lately. So I’m thinking that we might need some space and I’m trying to figure out if I’m okay with that.
Don’t tell it, but I’ve started noodling on a couple of new ideas. They even have their own Scrivener files. And because I’m not ready to jump back into the fray of a book based on the life of a real person (though I still believe we need more of those, especially about women and marginalized folks whose stories have been unacknowledged), I’m letting my imagination run wild.
I need to find my joy in writing again.
Since this is supposed to be a useful space and not just where I moan about my writing problems, let me share what I’ve learned from this experience:
Publishing is an unpredictable business. You can’t and shouldn’t worry about what anyone else is doing.
It’s okay to take breaks; in fact, they are essential to your work, your creative mojo, and your overall well-being.
Don’t be afraid to follow your creativity in whatever form or fashion it takes. Sometimes you’ll need something other than words.
What’s sparked my creative energy:
Stripping some old printers’ trays I bought a few years ago–a much more laborious and messy process than I thought! My plan is to take off all this weird beige paint, stain the wood, and adorn them with shells I’ve collected from our beach travels and mount them on the wall in my office.
Make it stand out
Stockpiling our empty wine bottles and finding a bottle cutter to make some cool stuff. (Yes, that’s a hedgehog on that bottle. I told Bob we will be drinking a lot of this Pinot Grigio this summer! 🦔) I have MANY ideas for these babies and will definitely share photos of the fruits of my labors.
What I’ve been reading:
The Change by Kirsten Miller
I’ve been recommending this one to everyone: A witchy, feminist revenge fantasy/murder mystery. 🤩
Also, The Warmth of Other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson
This is the kind of book I read every few years—a big, beautifully researched work of non-fiction on some piece of our history, in this case, the Great Migration, the movement of millions of Black Americans from the south throughout much of the twentieth century. This book has been out for many years and has been on my list for a while. I’m still just getting into it, but it’s incredibly readable and feels just as relevant today as it was when it came out. (And it won a ton of awards, including a Pulitzer!)
My lovely and amazing coaching clients
I also want to take a minute to say a big THANK YOU to the writers that I work with. Being able to support you through the ups and downs of the creative process is an enormous privilege and helps me keep going through these times that my own writing feels rootless.
Okay, I will be back next week with more useful and practical words about novel-writing…promise!
Love ♥️,
Kerry