Have you (or anyone you know) ever said this? “Yes, I’ve written (or am writing) a book, but I’m not a real writer.”

Bullshit. Friends, this makes me mad. If you have a writer friend who says this, please, gently and with compassion, tell them they are full of it. If you say, or even think this about yourself, please STOP.

The only thing that makes you a “REAL” writer is writing.

Have you (or anyone you know) ever said this? “Yes, I’ve written (or am writing) a book, but I’m not a real writer.”

Bullshit. Friends, this makes me mad. If you have a writer friend who says this, please, gently and with compassion, tell them they are full of it. If you say, or even think this about yourself, please STOP.

The only thing that makes you a “REAL” writer is writing.

That’s it. 

Think about the other labels we put on ourselves and others to describe who we are. If you lace up your sneakers and hit the pavement a few times a week, are you not a runner? Just because you haven’t won a 5K or a marathon doesn’t make you LESS of a runner. It doesn’t make the time you spend running not count.

We think that perhaps if our work isn’t published or that no one has paid to read it or we didn’t sell a certain number of copies, that means we are “less than”--that only those metrics define who can or cannot call themselves a writer.

Enough with that thinking! Did you sit your butt in a chair and put words onto a page or screen? You’re a writer!

If you watched the InstaLive I did with my book coach Dani Abernathy, you know that I really dislike labeling things. It became something of a joke when I struggled to identify the ‘point’ of my book. I didn’t want it to be about just one thing; I didn’t want it to only say one thing. Thinking back to my high school photography class, all my work was titled “Untitled #X” because I couldn’t bring myself to define it. It’s been a lifelong struggle.

But I’ve never struggled with calling myself a writer. Maybe because I have always thought of myself that way, since the moment in second grade when I realized that was what I wanted to be. 

Even when I was knee deep in website redesign project management and the thought of putting creative words to paper was a dream, if anyone had asked me what I would want to do if I could do anything, I’d have said ‘write’. And when it got too hard to ignore that, I made some life pivots accordingly. 

When you brush your teeth in the morning, look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I’m a writer.” When you sit down to work on your manuscript, repeat this. Do it again when you’re done for the day–the proof is right in front of you! When you find yourself picking a scene apart in the book you’re reading, smile and know that you’re doing this because….You’re a writer!!

Be accountable to yourself to banish that voice in your head that tells you harmful, mean things–or as my friend, fellow book coach and focusing professional Terri Thayer would advise, acknowledge it and gently, kindly tell it why it is 100% wrong. Then tell it to take several seats. 

Writing a book is HARD!

People who don’t write books have some funny ideas about how it works, like writers knock them out in a few months time and hand them over directly to a publisher, who sprints to a press and voila! It’s on the shelf. 😓

The reality, as you know, is nowhere near that. Setting aside the business/marketing aspects of it for a minute, think about what a complicated thing a book is. You’re telling us something about the world by taking us on a journey, in which at least one, sometimes many, characters must change profoundly.

There are plots, subplots, a protagonist, antagonist(s), mirrors, foils, themes, timeline, settings…I could go on. Is your head spinning yet? 

And yet we plague ourselves with the belief that everyone else knows what they’re doing and gets it right the first, or at least the second or third time. We just haven’t figured out the secret and no one who has is sharing.

Min Jin Lee took 20+ years to write Pachinko. (She talks about it incredibly movingly in this keynote address.) Did she plan for it to take that long? I doubt it. Did it work out? I should say so–National Book Award finalist, Apple TV adaptation. She took the time she needed to tell the story she wanted to tell. 

Even prolific genre writers can take the better part of a year to create and edit a manuscript. It is just not a quick thing, coaxing characters and plot to life from your brain to the page. 

So please, whatever negative messages you tell yourself at times–because you didn’t knock out as many words as you’d planned one day, or the manuscript edit is taking longer than you’d hoped, or you got another f&*^ing form rejection letter–try to balance those with something positive.

Find a favorite sentence and admire its construction or how well it conveys the EXACT sentiment you were going for.

Compare your current first pages with the first draft you wrote. Look at how far you’ve come!

And repeat after me, again: The only thing that makes you a “REAL” writer is writing. So get back to it. You’ve got this!!

Looking for support and accountability with your writing? My 1:1 coaching leverages monthly or twice monthly meetings to review your work, work through any story questions or issues, and keep you on track with a huge dose of encouragement. 

Cheers and happy writing! ❤️

Kerry